Motherhood changes the body—but does it change the brain? Sleep deprived new mothers can argue that they seem too exhausted to think. Brain researchers Kelly Lambert with Randolph-Macon College and collaborator Craig Kinsley with the University of Richmond wrote in Scientific American, January, 2006 that having a baby can actually make a mother’s brain sharper. What?—you might exclaim—I feel so exhausted, how can having a baby make my brain sharper?

Lambert and Kinsley observed the behavior of new mother rats and found that they not only out performed non-mother rats at searching for food but were also bolder in their strategies.

Coping day and night with the demands of a new baby may change the brain and behavior in ways that go beyond just nursing and nurturing. “From what we’ve seen, having a whole different being to take care of requires a whole new set of skills and a lot more awareness, cognitive awareness and multi-tasking,” explains professor Lambert. Lambert, Kinsley and others have shown that some brain changes are triggered by the surges of hormones that accompany motherhood. However, it is hormones and behavior which create an enriching experience for the brain. This enrichment lasts into old age. So who is to say that parenting is just a ‘thankless job.’

Now I know that my statement, “My daughter and son made me into the woman I am today,” made long-ago, has validity. Thank you dear daughter and son—You are my inspiration, my admiration and myself.

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Motherhood changed my writing life. I have gone from needing church silence to being able to write in my living room where my husband and son are loudly interacting with televised sports, or my daughter is playing piano. I’ve learned to ignore even the dog when he is in rabbit-mode, ears back and running through the rooms, then freezing into a John Bellushi-Animal House stance. I think this was a gradual evolution. I used to retreat to a corner in the attic when the children were toddlers and I convinced myself my emotional distance could be increased through stairs. I wrote several books up there, and only came down to work when my laser printer gave up the ghost, and my husband bought me a laptop.

Now, I am happiest writing near a window with a coffee pot close, and passersby in view. I like watching the UPS trucks come and go, the neighborhood dogs sniffing my dandelions, the gaggle of youngsters making its way down the block to the local theater from one of our neighborhood schools. I like being reminded of the reality beyond my keyboard even as I choose to ignore it. This attentiveness I attribute to motherhood.

At college, I remember causing several food explosions when I would try to cook and write simultaneously. I would park my blue, Brother electric typewriter on our dinette table overlooking the duck pond at our off-campus apartment, and settle in to work. Neither the rhythm of the machine nor the return bell distracted the voice in my head as it spilled onto the page. Unremarkably, I managed to work up an appetite moving only my fingers. I had staples on hand, eggs, bread, hot dogs, and M&Ms. I was always low-carbing then (except for the chocolate) so I stayed away from the bread, and would boil either hot dogs or eggs. It wasn’t so bad when hot dogs exploded. They quietly burst apart leaving pink shreds pretty close to the stove, and were greasy enough to be easily washed away. But when the browned and crusty hard boiled eggs blew, they released the worst of all stinks, and my roommates would be justifiably offended. They could never understand how I could lose track of time so completely.

Boiling eggs do warn you with aural cues; they rattle against each other, against the pot. I can promise you I hear them now from a room away. In fact, now I can hear through doors and walls. I can wake up running from a dead sleep and magically appear at the bathroom doorway when one of my children is sick. Motherhood sharpens your hearing, even while it allows you to tune out the most repetitive video game. You can discern the slightest inflection in your child’s after-school voice, and know lunch didn’t go well. You can take a temperature with your lips, sniff out a bad cold cut, read dejection on a ball field from yards and yards away, and feel each second pass until your child arrives home safely. Motherhood makes your senses that acute, and won’t ever allow you to leave a stove unattended.

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I can’t believe the mixed-messages our media-driven society sends regarding today’s topic. If you watch daytime television or Lifetime Network (which I don’t, whenever possible) you’ll be hit with commercials depicting some hot mommies doing their typical superhuman things, including dealing with several toddlers while looking good doing it. Then, watch late-night television (which I also don’t, whenever possible) and you’ll be hit with infomercials designed to make women feel self-conscious about what motherhood has done to their physical appearance.

Whatever.

You know by now how I feel about what the media has done to distort our concept of what really is attractive to the opposite sex. So make no mistake about it: Motherhood can be, and I would argue usually is, very sexy. In just about every way.

The low hanging fruit here (no, not that) is the rise of MILFdom in recent years. If you are unfamiliar with the term look it up elsewhere, but for all intents and purposes MILF = sexy mom. For some reason, and a good one, even younger guys have figured out that Stacey’s Mom Has Got It Going On.

That’s no joke either. If you are a 35 year old woman with an online profile, you might be getting “messages” from younguns who haven’t even cleared college age yet. No, this isn’t some weird (and recurring) software error. They’re digging you.

I have personally been out with several women in their thirties who had daughters at a very young age. These kids are now in high school. Each mama had a story to tell when I asked if there’s ever an issue when their daughters’ little boy friends meet mom. One woman even has a pact with her daughter that they won’t date anyone closer in age to the other than themselves. Hilarious, but true.

How about before a woman has even given birth—during her pregnancy? Yeah ladies, we know…us guys hear all the time how “fat, etc.” you are getting. You feel disgusting. Well, you aren’t. ESPECIALLY to the Dad. Now we aren’t talking about man-boy I/Js (Idiot/Jerks) here who either 1) are using a woman’s pending new family commitment (and the fact that presumably she wouldn’t dare leave him while in that “condition”) as an excuse to throw down with every chickie babe silly enough to let him have a piece, or… 2) …who are just flat out morons. Mama, if your man loves you, he loves you pregnant. When he tells you that you are beautiful, will you please believe it? That’s his kid going on in there! In fact, some guys are turned on by pregnant women in general, and there are Web sites to prove it.

If you look at scientific studies on how heterosexual men and women become attracted to one another, it often comes down to archetypal response to pointers of fertility. I mean, let’s face it: sexual attraction, from the natural aspect, comes down to procreation. S/he who is more fertile is more attractive. Fertility and gene-pool quality (which is another topic altogether) are what make us attractive to the opposite gender a lot of the time. So here it is—if you are a mom already, it makes sense that your proven fertility is going to make you attractive to men. If you want to argue with me on this, go for it, but I believe very strongly that this is the case. At the very least, men often are not turned off by the physical effects of pregnancy like many women somehow seem to believe. On top of all else, don’t be surprised that many guys–if they are man enough to admit it—actually have no issue with the stretch marks and any other evidence that you have been pregnant before. I personally believe that caesarian scars are sexy. And I’m not weird.

So is this only all about looking good? I really don’t think so. There is something about motherhood that changes a woman. Not all guys understand this pragmatically, but many respond positively to such things—even if subconsciously.

Everyone knows that confidence is a huge turn-on for both genders. And moms tend to learn life’s tough lessons about responsibility. Especially single moms. Any guy who wants to find an amazing woman–one with a confident attitude to take on the world with–should hang out with a single mom or two. ‘Nuff said.

And, you know what? It might not hurt to add how fatherhood tends to be a turn on for women also, especially…moms. Big surprise there, right? Have you ever noticed that moms and dads really tend to appreciate each other—even at the raw attraction level? Yeah, well, I’m a Dad…and I absolutely have.

Copyright 2006 X & Y Communications

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